Begin Again
by tenshi noyo Ryu Taiga
Summary: Ruthie gets invited to a prestigious English boarding school and, in the wake of Sandy's pregnancy, decides to go. Three years later, a very different Ruthie Camden returns.


Begin Again

by: tenshinrtaiga

Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS or 7th Heaven.

Pairings/Characters: Martin/Ruthie, some Ruthie/others and Martin/others

Summary: Ruthie gets invited to a prestigious English boarding school and, in the wake of Sandy's pregnancy, decides to go. Three years later, a very different Ruthie Camden returns.

* * *

><p>Ruthie didn't know if this was the best thing that had ever happened to her, or the worst.<p>

At the very least, the timing was…

The small girl gave a sigh. She wasn't sure whether the timing was a good thing or a bad thing either. She could say one thing though: her life just got so much more complicated.

"Ruthie?" her older sister Lucy called out, making her way to the backyard. "Hey," she said softly, noticing the way Ruthie was splayed out on the back porch, watching the sky. "Are you okay?"

Everyone kept asking her that lately. Was she okay? Was she alright? How was she feeling? Did she need anything? They were treating her like something fragile; like something broken.

Okay, yes. Her heart was broken. Beyond broken, if she was honest about it. Martin had essentially ripped her heart out, stomped on it, and ran over it with his truck for good measure.

Ruthie shook her head. No. She wasn't going to let herself go down that road. She would smile at Martin and Sandy and be polite. She would ask questions about the baby (their baby) and pretend nothing was wrong.

She gave another sigh. Or maybe she would just leave and pretend that neither of them existed.

"Ruthie?" Lucy asked again, softly.

The petite brunette blinked. She had forgotten that her sister was even there.

"Sorry, what?" Ruthie asked, lifting her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun as she looked up at her sister.

"Oh, Ruthie." Lucy sighed and sat down next to the girl. "I know it's hard now, but… It will get better, I promise. The pain you feel now will become an ache and then one day you'll wake up and realize that that ache is gone. You'll find someone new to love and to love you back."

Ruthie blinked back the small well of tears she suddenly felt behind her eyes, but she pasted on a smile instead. "I wasn't actually thinking about Martin, you know. I do think about other things besides him and Sandy and the baby."

The blonde gave her a skeptical look, but nodded agreeably, pretending to believe her. "Okay, sorry then. What were you thinking about?"

The younger girl nibbled on her lower lip in contemplation. What did she want to say? How much _could_ she say? These last few days had been… a trip, to put it mildly. She knew she didn't have much of a choice; she knew what she had to do. But she didn't know what she _wanted_ to do. And maybe that didn't matter. Maybe she needed to stop thinking about her 'what ifs'. She had something now, something she had never had before. A purpose, a destiny. A Calling.

This was what fate had set out for her. What God had willed for her.

And maybe what had happened with Martin had happened for a reason. Maybe his path had diverged from hers so that she would do what needed to be done. So that she could walk her path and never look back.

Because once she did this… She could never look back.

"I applied to a school program a couple of months ago," Ruthie admitted after several long minutes of contemplation. Lucy startled as she had stopped expecting an answer after her sister's long silence. "I didn't honestly think I would get in, but I didn't think it would hurt to try. But I did. Get in, I mean."

"What?" Lucy asked in surprise before her face split into a wide grin. "That's so exciting! I'm so happy for you!" She leaned over and gave her sister a huge hug. Ruthie deserved some happy news after experiencing so much misery.

"Don't be too happy yet," Ruthie cautioned, her arms going up to gently pry away her sister's grip. "The program is in London."

Lucy froze, eyes wide and startled. "What?"

Ruthie shrugged, turning her face so that she wouldn't have to look Lucy in the eyes. "Yeah. It's… it's… Well, to be honest, it's more that a school program. I would be transferring schools. It's a top boarding school in the world and I, I got a full ride."

Lucy didn't know how she felt. She was excited for her sister, for this opportunity. But at the same time… London was far away. Away from Ruthie's family and friends and support group. That would be hard enough on a fifteen year old, but on top of Martin and his drama? Did Ruthie really feel it was a good idea to just up and leave like this?

Lucy nibbled on her lower lip. This felt like running away.

"Are you sure this is something you want?" she asked hesitantly.

"I think that this is an amazing opportunity," Ruthie replied with a shrug, still avoiding her sister's glance. "Their graduates go on to the best universities and professions in the world."

"But is it something _you want?_" the blonde pressed.

Ruthie gave a small sigh, lifting her knees to lock her arms around them. "I don't know. Yes. And no," she confessed quietly. "It really is an amazing opportunity. I would be living in London and they highly encourage volunteering abroad during our breaks. Like borderline mandatory. So I would be traveling and learning and _helping people._"

"Wow," Lucy said, impressed. "That sounds… really impressive."

Ruthie shrugged. "But it would also mean that I probably wouldn't be able to visit home. Unless you come to visit me, I won't be able to come back until I've graduated."

"What?" Lucy cried out in shock. "Not at all?"

Ruthie shrugged again, hunching in on herself. "Well, I _could_, but…"

"But you don't want to?" Lucy inferred, her voice sounding hurt. "You don't want to come home… because of Martin?"

"No!" Ruthie replied, turning her head to look at the other woman for the first time. "At least, not really." She gave a sigh. "I won't lie; the opportunity to get away from Martin is… really appealing right now. But that has nothing to do with it. One day, I'll be over him, like you said." _I hope._ "But… I'm going to be going to an amazing school doing amazing things. I will only have a couple of years there. Shouldn't I make the most of it? Shouldn't I take every opportunity given to me to go out and help others?"

Lucy took a moment to contemplate that. As a sister, she hated the idea of not seeing her baby sister again for three years. As a pastor, she understood what her sister was saying. "You have been given a gift," she admitted. "It is up to you to make the most of this blessing," she said with a small sigh. It was official. She had given in. Once again, Ruthie Camden proved that she had the whole world wrapped around her little finger.

Ruthie gave her a wide smile in return, reaching over to hug her sister. Lucy blinked, startled, even as her own arms came up to hug back. Lucy hadn't realized how long it had been since she'd seen her sister smile.

"Does this mean you'll be helping me tell mom and dad?" Ruthie asked, her tone full of faux innocence.

"Oh God!" Lucy muttered, eyes wide in dread.

* * *

><p>"So, let me get this straight. You <em>want<em> our youngest daughter to fly halfway around the world to go to a school in another country with strangers, all because of a broken heart?" Annie asked, her tone telling her husband exactly what she thought of this idea.

Eric gave his wife a light reprimanding look. "First off, you know that what Ruthie is experiencing is more that just 'a broken heart'. Second, look at this objectively. Our daughter, our beautiful, amazing, intelligent daughter, got into a prestigious international boarding school that feeds into the best universities and companies in the world. Have you seen this list?" He held up a thin glossy book with a picture of London on the cover. "Harvard, Yale, Oxford, Doctors Without Borders, the Red Cross, Congress, the EU, Parliament. They have graduates everywhere, around the world. I always knew our daughter could do anything, but at this school, Annie, she could really do _anything._ No door would remain closed to her. Don't you want that for her?"

Annie gave a sigh. "Of course I do, Eric. But now? When she just found out about Martin and Sandy?"

"Maybe that's the point," Lucy interjected, startling her parents. They had gotten so worked up that they had completely forgotten that their daughters were still in the room. "Maybe God gave Ruthie this opportunity now _because_ of Martin and Sandy."

Ruthie gave a sigh when all eyes turned to her. "I… I can admit that the idea of leaving, of not having to _see-_" She halted to a stop, her throat closing up slightly as her mind started going places she didn't want it to go. She took a deep breath, suppressing her emotions. "It's a fresh start. I think I could use one of those right now."

Annie and Eric shared a look. This wasn't an uncommon request from their children. Matt at medical school, Mary on the other side of the country, Simon at university. Lucy was the only one who never wanted a fresh start, but her dependence on her family was a different problem all together.

Annie gave a small sigh. She could already feel herself giving in. She walked over to Ruthie and gently grabbed her by the hand, walking her over to sit on the edge of the bed with her. "Are you sure that this is what you want?" she asked softly, needing to be certain that this is what was best for her daughter; that this is what she wanted.

Ruthie hesitated, thinking things through, wanting to give the right answer. She had talked to the school representative several days ago and she had assured Ruthie that, while sooner was better, the girls that go to their school often took a bit of time to get things in order and say goodbye before attending, some even waiting until the next convenient place to transfer like at the end of a semester. Ruthie was in the middle of her school year. Technically she had permission to finish up the year before attending her sophomore year in London. But she didn't want to. Because that meant several more agonizing months of watching Martin and Sandy and Ruthie would much rather be _doing something_ than _thinking _right now.

"Yes, I'm sure," she stated firmly. "This is what I want."

Annie exchanged a look with Eric before giving a resigned sigh and smiling at her youngest girl. "Alright. When can we meet this school representative?"

* * *

><p>"TSA is a world renowned academy for girls. We take the exceptional from all across the globe and we train and hone them into the best possible version of themselves. We teach them history, religion, science, languages and more. We require fluency in three languages, two in addition to your native tongue, but the girls often learn more out of necessity. The classes will be diverse because our girls are diverse. Ruthie's lab partner may only speak Chinese and the two will need to figure out how to communicate themselves. We won't help them. In the real world, there are a million different languages and cultures and your daughter will begin to learn how to navigate through this kind of confusion early. We want our girls to excel no matter where life takes them. TSA also focuses heavily on the body. In America, the school system typically requires one 'gym' credit a day. At TSA, she will be taking, at minimum, three. Level 1 easy, 2 medium, 3 hard."<p>

"What does that mean?" Kevin asked, raising his hand slightly as if he was still in school. He, Lucy, Eric, Annie and of course Ruthie were the only ones to know about Ruthie's plan and thus were the only ones at home to meet the school representative, a perky redhead in her mid-twenties.

"An example of a Level 1 class would be yoga or meditation. Level 3 would be kickboxing or some other martial art. 2 would be something in the middle like biking or power walking."

"Meditation counts as gym?" Lucy asked skeptically.

"Meditation is about realignment and concentration; both mind and body. It can be very refreshing for the body and the ability to stay still and control your breathing and your posture can be very difficult. So, yes, we count that as a gym credit, along with other techniques similarly aligned, such as yoga or tai chi."

"And this is something they do every day?" Annie asked, unsure if she was happy for so much physical activity or worried about the extra strain.

"We certainly encourage it, although there are sick passes obviously. Typically, Level 2 is done in the morning, Level 2 in the afternoon and Level 3 at night, however Ruthie is free to rearrange this at her own discretion. Each person is wired differently and if Ruthie feels more energy in the morning, maybe she'll want to complete her Level 3 then. Gym is mostly self-moderated. We have a gym facility that we use and classes that run all day. Which class Ruthie chooses to show up for is her decision. She could choose to go in the morning one day and in the evening the next. She can spread her classes out or take them all at once, although for obvious reasons we frown on them taking three hours of gym at once. We keep a careful eye on them and their condition, but we also expect them to know their own limits. As growing adults, we won't always be there to hold their hand. This is their time to learn their own limits."

"What about academics?" Annie asked, moving the conversation along.

"We offer several academic classes. Like a university, we have requirements but with several classes that will serve to fulfill them. So for humanities, Ruthie can choose to take Fiction Composition or Russian History or Sociology. We offer English, French, Italian, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Hindi, Somali, Swahili, Fulani, Arabic, Persian, Kurdish, Hebrew, Spanish and Portugese, Unofficially, we offer even more as students often teach each other their native languages."

There was silence as they took in the long list of languages. "Wow," Ruthie muttered, daunted for the first time.

The redhead easily read the young girl's expression and smiled warmly. "It's not that bad. As I said, only two languages are required, meaning that when you graduate, you will be fluent in at least three total, including your birth language. As part of our civic requirements, students are required to spend at least one month's worth of time a year volunteering in other countries. Many students combine this with their language requirement by spending a month in a country speaking nothing but a foreign language. So a student studying Mandarin may choose to volunteer in China."

"They have to do this every year?" Kevin wondered.

"Volunteering? Yes. We require one month total of time spent volunteering every year. Some do the month solid, some break it up. But yes, that is a yearly requirement. For language, however, that is total. So they have to spend one solid month in another country speaking their foreign language only once their entire high school career. But remember that Ruthie will be required to take two languages, so that means two months total. Again, how she breaks that up will be up to her. And to be completely honest, our students tend to spend much longer than just a month. We are giving these girls the opportunity to travel and explore the world, essentially for free. It is not unusual for them to take advantage of it."

"How can you do this all for free?" Annie wondered suspiciously.

"It's free for students," the redhead clarified. "We own several private planes because we frequently have trips going around the world. We also have an extensive network of alumni who can help arrange travel and accommodations. I'm not saying Ruthie should pick some random village in the middle of nowhere and say 'I want to go there'. We have trips already scheduled - volunteer trips or student trips home - and the students pick the ones they want to take. Which is not to say that Ruthie can't just close her eyes and pick a town in the middle of nowhere. If there's a good reason why Ruthie wants to volunteer somewhere specific, we can certainly make an effort to accommodate that wish.

"We are big believers in volunteering. Even us educators have to do it. I, personally, am in charge of the South American visits. Anytime I'm not teaching in London, I'm in South America. We have a main representative for each continent, excluding Antarctica obviously. In addition to that, we have former alumni and even current students." She nodded at Ruthie. "Say, tomorrow, a student wanted to do her English requirement here or in San Francisco or something. Then I would put her in touch with Ruthie and the two would have an opportunity to talk. It's not unusual for a student to go home with another student and live with them for the month long period. One day, Ruthie may come home with a Chinese or Italian or whatever friend who wants to spend time practicing her English."

"Like a foreign exchange program," Lucy summed up.

The woman gave a shrug. "Essentially." There was a moment's pause as everyone absorbed what they'd heard. "Any other questions?" the woman asked.

"Ruthie's living situation. Dorm rooms, safety?" Annie asked.

"We own several apartment buildings around the city. First years are required to room with three others. This is to promote friendships but also to help with homesickness. After that first year, two people to a room. In their last year, students can opt for a single. So, since Ruthie is coming in as a sophomore, her sophomore year will be in a quad, her junior year in a double and her senior year in either a double or a single.

"As for safety, we encourage our students to go out in groups or pairs and a requirement class for the first semester is self-defense. Students sign in and out of all dorm buildings and they have to give at least a vague description of where they're heading and about how long they'll be. We have every student's cell phone on record and we check the roster every night to make sure that everyone is where they're supposed to be."

"And what about boys?" Lucy asked.

The redhead smiled. "We are an all-girls school, so _that's_ not an issue. Boys are allowed in the main floor lobby and the rec room only. No boys are allowed on any of the living floors. If you're asking about dating boys, I'm afraid that is between you and your daughter. Those rules are set between the two of you and it is up to Ruthie to honor any promises she makes in regards to dating and the like."

The others nodded as this was fair enough.

"What about after school? College?" Eric asked seriously.

"Of course. Many of our students continue their education. We have a good percentage that go to Oxford and University of London because they continue on at TSA as part time workers. This is what allows us a lot of availability when it comes to gym classes all day or our 15 language classes. We rely a lot on our graduates coming back and teaching a course or two. It's not required, but we find that nearly every single one of our graduates so far have. This year's graduating year will be a class of 78 women. About 35 are going straight to college, 10 are going to college part time and working part time, 25 are taking a break, traveling or working before intending to go to college in a few years. Only about 10 have no interest in returning to school and are jumping straight into the work force.

"We also help place students in jobs, not just schools. We have several associate or affiliated companies around the world where students intern at or get jobs at after they've graduated. So just because college isn't their next step, doesn't mean that we don't still help them figure out what that next step for them is."

By now, the entire room was nodding along agreeably. They all hoped that Ruthie would go on to college, but it was nice to know that if she didn't, she would still have available options.

"Wow," Lucy finally breathed out. "This school sounds amazing."

"Almost too amazing," Kevin remarked, slightly suspicious.

The redhead laughed at the remark. "If at any time, Ruthie is unhappy with her education, she can leave at any time. But we have never had a student leave."

"Never?" Annie asked. This time, she was the one who was suspicious.

"We've had students take leaves of absence for personal or family reasons, but no. No student has ever dropped out or transferred out ofTSA. We try to be very accommodating to our students. We only accept special, bright young women. What's the point in locating and fostering that talent if you're going to give up on it at the first sign of hardship?"

"You make some excellent points," Eric remarked standing up, the others following him, a clear sign that they were ready to end the meeting. "We'll be sure to consider this as we discuss things more with the family."

The redhead stood as well. "Thank you. I look forward to hearing a positive response." She reached out her hand and shook it with every person in the room.

"Just one thing," Lucy wondered. "What does TSA stand for?"

The redhead smiled and gave a wink. "Sorry, school secret. Only current students, faculty and alumni know the answer to that. Right, Ruthie?"

Ruthie gave a smile. "Right."

"You already know?" Lucy asked in surprise. Had her sister already essentially enrolled in the school and was only now talking to them about it? She wouldn't put it past her sister to do first and ask permission later.

"It's come up." Ruthie shrugged.

They had steadily made their way to the door before Eric blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" he asked regretfully, embarrassed that, in the flood of information, he had forgotten the nice young woman's name.

"I'm Willow. Willow Rosenberg."

* * *

><p>"So, what do you think?" Willow wondered as she and Ruthie slowly walked down the street to the redhead's car.<p>

"I think they'll let me go. After a spiel like that, they'd be crazy not to," the brunette admitted, a smile on her face. She had been focusing on the cons lately and the only pro had been getting away from the Martin-Sandy situation, but after hearing all of the things offered at TSA, she was honestly excited. Not only would she be moving to London, but she would be traveling the world, learning new languages and helping people.

"When do you think you'll be leaving?"

Ruthie nibbled on her lower lip. Again, she was forced to contemplate this. She knew that she couldn't stay too long; couldn't bare to watch Sandy grow bigger with pregnancy and Martin attempt to become a father. But it would be hard saying goodbye to everyone and everything she knew and loved. "A week," she offered hesitantly. "Yeah, a week."

Willow's eyebrow rose in surprise at the quick timeline. Typically, students wanted to wait at least two weeks or even a month or two. The only ones who wanted to leave immediately were abused children or children in poverty, which Ruthie didn't appear to be either.

Still, Willow held her tongue. Ruthie and her family's lives were her business and hers alone.

"Then I'll stay until the end of the week. I'll book tickets for Saturday morning at LAX. We'll leave then." She reached out and gave Ruthie's shoulder a small squeeze in goodbye. "I'll forward the flight details to you once I've confirmed it."

Ruthie held her hand out in a wave as the small rental car drove off. Slowly, she wandered back to her house, stepping inside to find everyone in the living room, dead silent. Worried, she stepped into the room. "Okay, what's wrong?" she demanded.

Lucy gave a small smile. "Nothing. We're just realizing that… you're growing up." Ruthie gave her an unimpressed look, waiting for the rest. "You're growing up and going out into the world and-" Lucy began to sniffle as tears came to her eyes. "And we're not going to be able to see you for three years."

Ruthie gave a small sigh. "I wouldn't say that," she said softly, coming to sit next to her sister, wrapping her arms around the blonde. "I'm sure I'll make it for Christmas, it's just summer and those other breaks that I won't be back for. And you can always visit me if you need to."

"Still, once a year?" Annie's lips pinched into a frown. "That's a very long time to go without seeing you." It was clear that Ruthie's mother was also on the verge of tears. Eric knew it too if his automatic reaction of placing a comforting hand on her back was any indication.

"It's more than we see Mary. And Matt sometimes too," Kevin pointed out logically, but at his wife's angry glare, backtracked. "But we'll miss you."

"So this is it?" Ruthie wondered in surprise. "You're letting me go?" She had expected more discussions, more arguments. Maybe even a huge fight or two. Not this easy acceptance.

Eric and Annie nodded. "It's clear that this is something you have to do and I have to trust in you and believe that God has chosen to set things up like this to give you this gift. That this is all happening at the right time and the right place for you and your future."

It wasn't hard to read in between the lines and see what he was really talking about was Martin. Still, Ruthie would take it because, to be honest, she was beginning to feel the same way.

"Thank you," she said, nearly speechless. "I'll make you guys proud, I promise."

* * *

><p>A week later, Ruthie was in her room, pacing around nervously, double, triple and quadruple checking her luggage. A duffel bag and one suitcase packed with clothes, shoes and toiletries as well as her laptop computer and a couple of pictures of her friends and family. She had hesitated over the picture of her and Martin. It was taken a couple of months ago and captured him, with his baseball bat in his hand, as he talked to her through the chain link fence behind the mound, the two of them grinning. It was a hard memory to look at, but one Ruthie ultimately decided to take with her to London, tucking it underneath all of her things, however, hiding it from view. She hoped that maybe one day, she'd be able to look at it without feeling a stabbing pain in her heart and the overwhelming urge to cry.<p>

It had been hard telling the rest of the family. She had sworn everyone to secrecy, even threatening to reveal a few deep, dark secrets of her own in order to convince them not to breathe a word. She gave a smirk of satisfaction. Sometimes being the family secret keeper came in handy.

It wasn't that she didn't want people to know. It was that she didn't want a specific person to know. She was aware that her reasons were fairly obvious and that, most likely, everyone knew exactly why she wanted them to keep their silence, but she didn't care. She wasn't ready to face Martin yet, let alone say goodbye.

With a deep sigh and a quick peak at her cell phone, she grabbed her duffel bag and purse, throwing them over her shoulder and then reaching down for her suitcase handle. With one last look around her room, she left.

Her family was waiting for her in the living room. Even Simon had driven home to send his sister off. With a tiny sniffle, she threw herself at her favorite brother.

"Call me. Everyday," Simon whispered in her ear.

"I promise," she whispered back, squeezing tighter and burying her face into his neck. It took several long minutes for them to finally separate and if there was a tear in Simon's eye, well, Ruthie was considerate enough not to say anything about it.

Next was Lucy who immediately gathered Ruthie into her arms the minute she realized it was her turn. "I'm so proud of you. You're going to do great."

"Thanks." Ruthie smiled, pulling away to give Kevin and Savannah a hug too. "Mom," she said to the woman next in line.

"Oh, Ruthie." The blonde gathered her youngest daughter in a hug. "When did you get so old?"

"I'm not that old," Ruthie laughed, pulling away.

"Old enough to be leaving the nest," Eric said, embracing his daughter.

"I'll be back," she murmured lowly, but the truth was, she wasn't sure that she could promise that. Wasn't sure that she wanted to. "Sam. David."

"We don't want you to go," Sam said, crossing his arms in refusal.

"Yeah. We want you to stay here with us," David also put in.

Ruthie gathered the two into her arms for a big hug, despite their refusal to return her affection. "I know and I'm sorry guys. But one day, you will also have to go and we will let you just like you have to let me now."

Sam and David let out a small sigh and opened their arms to return her hug at last.

Ruthie pulled away, giving everyone one last look, before grabbing her things and heading for the door.

"Are you sure you don't want us to drive you to the airport?" Annie asked for what was quite honestly the hundredth time.

"No, mom. Willow has to return her rental car anyway. It's easier for us to go together." Ruthie turned around, giving the entire house a once over. "I love you, guys."

A chorus of "I love you too"s rang out as Ruthie stepped outside and shut the door on her family.

She made it down the steps before hesitating, reaching into the pocket of her purse and pulling out a crisp white letter. Handling the points gently, she twirled it lightly between her fingertips as she made her way to the mailbox out front, still debating whether or not she was going to put it in the mail.

"You weren't even going to say goodbye?" a familiar voice asked her, startling Ruthie. She turned her head to find Martin standing, waiting for her on the sidewalk, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders hunched as he looked up at her through his eyelashes. For a moment, Ruthie cursed God for making him so beautiful and for also making him her biggest weakness.

"I… wrote you a letter," she said lamely, holding up the envelope in her hand slightly, suddenly realizing how that sounded.

Martin, however, nodded, as though he had somehow expected that.

"How did you-?" she wondered aloud, her eyes momentarily going to the house in time to find Lucy quickly flicking the curtain shut and hiding. "Of course." Ruthie gave a sigh. "I should have known better than to hope Lucy could keep a secret."

"So, London?" Martin asked, changing the subject back on course. "That's…" Great, a really good opportunity, a blessing. "Far," he finished lamely.

She nodded agreeably. "Yes, it is." _That's kind of the point_, she wanted to scream.

He seemed to pick up on that, although she didn't know why she was surprised. He had always been able to read her well. Too well. "Is this because of… because of me?" Even now, he couldn't say the words. Sandy. The baby. That was okay though. She didn't think she could hear the words come out of his mouth right now either.

"No," she replied before reconsidering. "Yes. Maybe?" She gave a sigh. "A little, but not really."

"That was… confusing," he admitted earning himself a small breathy laugh. At the sound, he too smiled. It had been so long since he had heard her laugh let alone been the cause of it.

"I'm not doing this because of you," she clarified. "I was given an opportunity and I'm taking it. Would I have done the same thing if you hadn't-" _knocked Sandy up_. She let out a breath, "I don't know what I would have done, if I would still be going, if things were different. But they aren't. And I am."

Martin winced as she spoke, but was frowning sullenly by the time she finished. "I-" Whatever he wanted to say would remain a mystery as Willow pulled up to the curb, interrupting their conversation.

"Ready to go?" the redhead asked brightly, unaware of the solemn conversation she was interrupting.

"Yeah," Ruthie muttered, heading towards the trunk of the car. Her breath stuttered as, in a flash, she felt Martin's heat come up behind her. He reached behind her to open the trunk and then down to gently unclasp her hand from her luggage and put it inside for her.

Ruthie refrained from looking at him, aware that with him standing so close, that if she did, she might never look away again.

She waited until he had closed the trunk before moving around the car to the passenger's side door.

"Ruthie," Martin called out, grabbing her wrist, forcing her to turn around. He looked so upset that all Ruthie really wanted to do was reach out and wrap her arms around him in a hug. But she couldn't. That wasn't her place anymore.

Instead, she reached up on her tip toes, resting one hand on his shoulder to brace herself as she leaned in. His eyes widened in surprise, clearly thinking that she was coming in to kiss him. And in a way, he was right. She turned her head and lightly rested a kiss at the corner of his mouth. More intimate than a kiss on the cheek, not quite a kiss on the mouth. Yes, that summed up the two of them nicely, didn't it?

She slowly pulled away, aware of his startled gaze on the side of her face, tracing her every feature in an attempt to understand what just happened.

"Goodbye, Martin," she said resolutely before climbing into the car and refusing to take another look back. Willow seemed to realize this and put the car into drive, leaving the boy behind, standing in the middle of the road. Willow was also kind enough not to comment on the tears streaming down Ruthie's cheeks or the heaving, gasping sobs that started up and didn't stop for over an hour.

It was not a particularly auspicious beginning to the next chapter of her life.


End file.
